The Main Ingredient to a Healthy Lasting Relationship
Love & Respect
For some finding yourself in a relationship is quite easy, however holding the relationship together in a healthy happy manner is much harder! I have been studying ways to actively “fix” my marriage and along the way realized that I can’t be the only one in trouble! I wanted to share what I’ve learned with the rest of those out there screaming for help, yet going unheard! This is for people who are married and having problems, those of you who are in relationships that aren’t going so well, or even those of you who have a good relationship but don’t want to see it go downhill!
“Nothing Comes Without a Fight, You Have to Kick at Darkness Till it Bleeds Daylight!”
Holding a relationship together and keeping both parties equally happy seems mostly impossible! It seems that fighting in a relationship is pretty much a normal day to day thing! I am here to tell you that it’s not normal to fight every day, or to hold on to grudges! I know that that may make some angry, I am willing to take that chance, because I can tell you the secret that can end the constant battle!
There are two very key ingredients to any healthy relationship. As I’m sure we all have, I have seen an elderly couple sitting on a park bench as happy and comfortable as could be with each other. They look as if they are truly blissfully happy with one another, and it’s as if they are newly weds! I’ve always wondered how in the world that could be, and when my husband and I started having problems it made me wonder even more! How can two stand to be together after all these years, let alone sit together happily on a park bench. It got me very curious and made me want so badly that passion you can clearly see! I started studying relationships and the way each partner in a happy relationship treats the other. This is what I’ve noticed:
the woman in a happy healthy relationship respects her husband, or significant other. In return the husband, or significant other, loves her!
It didn’t really hit me right away, but as I was pondering on such things it struck me that the most important thing a woman in any relationship can give to the man in her life is respect. The one thing women can not live without is love! Sounds pretty simple right? Well I can tell you from experience it’s not exactly black and white!
I mention respect first because in today’s world respect is something everyone feels should be earned. I would like to say if you want to keep your relationship together you will have to change your thinking! Yes in some cases respect should be earned, but not when we are dealing with relationships.
*The only exception to this is if you are in any kind of abusive relationship, in which case you should get out! That is a very dangerous situation and no one deserves to be abused no matter what!*
Try to remember when you first met your other half, something made you fall head over heels with him, right! It must have because you are still together. When you started dating you would do almost anything to let him know that you were interested in him. That included showing him respect! Somewhere down the line sometimes we forget how to show respect, or that it’s even necessary! We women thrive so heavily on love that it doesn’t seem as if respecting our husbands (or significant others) is a very high priority, especially when he is not loving us the way we want to be loved. We usually turn to nagging, bi*ching, or other forms of [essentially] whining!
As any woman who has turned to the desperate whining technique knows, THIS NEVER WORKS! Men do not respond to any form of whining! In fact whining is the biggest way to show your husband you have essentially no respect for him what-so-ever. Usually when a woman whines about something it is because she is not getting something that she wants. (*did you know that most of the time whatever she is whining about is not even really what she wants to whine about! There is usually an underlying problem that is much bigger than you taking out the garbage!*)
If you are a woman who has forgotten what it means to show your husband respect this is what I mean;
you have to consciously choose to accept your husband for who he is. As I said before you fell in love with him, didn’t you? I’m guessing he is probably the same person you fell in love with, but when you fell in love with him you didn’t notice the annoying little things he does. You only noticed things you wanted to see! You must make the choice, and stick to it, that when your husband makes a decision you will respect that decision and go with it. That does not mean lay down and let him walk all over you! In fact a husband who gets respect shows more love to his wife, therefore once he feels respected he will not want to walk all over you. He will actually do the exact opposite! He will show more love and affection because he will begin and continue to like you more! A man thrives off of respect! It’s what he’s wired for! Men who feel belittled or dis-respected isn’t happy. He eventually gets depressed, builds a wall, and becomes cold. Men need to know that the woman in their life not only loves them, but respects them and thinks they are pretty special!
Other ways you can show your husband/boyfriend respect are these:
Tell him you respect him, and why! It may sound stupid, and as if that would really work, but just to hear that the woman he tries so hard for respects him chips away at that wall, and eventually will knock it down! You don’t necessarily have to say the word respect you could tell him that you appreciate him, and what it is that you appreciate about him! I know that it’s not something that you might feel like doing right now, but I can guarantee the sooner you start the sooner your relationship will improve!
Changing your behavior. Instead of whining or nagging him when he forgets to do something you could simply and kindly remind him once and leave it at that! Or you could do whatever it is that you wanted him to do, but make sure that you choose to do it with the best of attitudes. Changing your attitude is a conscious thing! When you feel a negative attitude or negative thoughts coming on you should squash those right away and replace them with thoughts such as “he is just really busy right now, and he was probably thinking about too much and forgot.” It’s very likely that that is exactly what happened. I highly doubt most of the husbands out there consciously say they will do something and then don’t do it. Unless of course we women are whining about something and they want to “shut us up.”
Ladies I can guarantee the moment that you start to respect your husband and show him respect you will see a change. It may be small at first but count every little difference a victory! Even if you only see a difference in yourself count it as a victory! No wife/girlfriend who nags like to nag, it’s the only thing we think will work! We as women know if someone asked us a hundred times to do something we would probably do it right! So why does it have the opposite effect on men….hmm….Can you see where they are coming from now?
Love is not always a priority on a man’s list of “things to do.” Sometimes you simply forget to show your wife you love her, because she should know, right. I mean men are absolutely sure that the women in their lives loves them, so shouldn’t it be the same way for women! Why is it so important to her for me to bring home flowers, or even to kiss her goodbye. Doesn’t she know that I love her?
Well gentlemen I am here to tell you that most of the time yes we women do know that you love us, but it’s still nice to get reminders! It means a lot to us to know that you were thinking of us while you were away, and that you were missing us so much that you stopped to buy us flowers, or took time out of your already busy schedules to give us a hug or a kiss (without sexual intention!)
It’s not that men find it very difficult to show their wives/girlfriends they love them, mostly it’s because they simply forget! I know that from your point of view women should just know that that is the reason that you don’t stop and buy flowers or even take out the trash. It’s not because you don’t want to, it simply slipped your mind. Well guys I am going to tell you the same thing I told the ladies, you must change your thinking, so that you remember your wife needs that little bit of affection to remind her that you in fact do care and do love her!
I know that remembering is not the easiest thing to do, so I will let you in on a few secrets to help you remember these very essential parts of a relationship. Here you are:
Write it down. Write little reminders to yourself and put them where you know you will look!E-mail yourself something you could do to “romance” or show affection to your woman!
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